Woah-oh-oh, Sweet Childhood Of Mine (Paradise Lost)

I’d like to start of by apologising for the lack of bloggage since December.  Now that’s out of the way…

Over the festive period, I started to think about how things were when I was growing up and how things have changed so much.

What hammered the nail home was Santa now compared to back then.  We took Seren to Santa’s Grotto over Ebbw Vale.  There was a big ‘hoo-ha’ regarding his arrival which was as magical as Harry Potter being anally violated by Dumbledore. Seeing her face light up, however, made it worthwhile.

We queued for over an hour and when we got inside it was a case of Seren hiding her face from a man in a false beard who then handed her a Cadbury’s chocolate selection bag just like the kids that had already entered this sanctum and exactly the same thing the kids to follow will receive.

When I was a kid you could jump up on Santa’s lap, tell him what you wanted and have a gift that was actually WRAPPED and more than likely different to the kid who was in before you and the one that will follow afterwards.  The presents wouldn’t have been so unique no other kid had the same thing but the fact that SOMEONE had taken the time to wrap the gifts and mix them up a bit makes a difference that you may not notice as a kid, but as an adult you appreciate.

Like a thread on a sweater, I continued to pull and soon it began to unravel further…

I had never heard of a paedophile until I was in my teens; childhood back then seems magical compared to today’s stark reality.    What breaks my heart is the fact that Seren and the new arrival will never experience a childhood remotely like what I and many others had.

As a society, we cannot go back.  We can try to let our kids experience childhood by emulating what we had – regaining the spark deep inside that we wish we could relive our childhood.  But it’s not the same.

I look around now and I see dregs of society bringing up their spawn to live like they did/do.  People who blame their surroundings, upbringing, friends or anything else they can use for a scapegoat for a life they take no personal responsibility for.  A cess pool of illiterate, uneducated scum that inject more and more nimrods into our society.

I didn’t have a perfect upbringing – a broken home and a deep hate for a father I had to legally visit each weekend until I was old enough to put an end to it.  I have never blamed my background for the way I am.  I never would have pictured myself where I am in life when I was younger.  But, if given a chance, I wouldn’t change it.  I chose many paths that gave the least resistance.  But I still hang on to humanity.

Nowadays, it seems not many people know what that is any more.  I swear.  A LOT.  But I try to curb it based on my surroundings as best I can but I still have a vocabulary outside of that that these dregs seem to replace with more cussing or neanderthal-like grunts.

To think that my children have to grow up in a world that has moved on and has no chance of ever going back to how it was pains me so much.

I often wonder how things got to the stage they are now…where did things go wrong?  I come to the conclusion it started with something as simple as manners (or lack thereof) and the other behaviours/attitudes etc followed suit.  People just a couple of years younger than me probably set the trend and then we got de-railed as a society.  Their sense of socialising is via BBM or some digital replacement for actual conversation/interaction.  They lack work ethic, etiquette, an understanding of human nature and such an introverted point of view that even a sledgehammer wouldn’t be able to stir them from the comatose and docile state.

The riots last year are a clear reflection of the type of degenerates I am talking about.  No one can think for themselves, they succumb to peer pressure too much and follow like sheep to fit in.  They have little or no knowledge as to how the world works and therefore can’t see the impacts of their daily actions ahead of them.

Every marvel of human nature is being defied and defiled by these cretins that have caused life to change for the worse.  I will be damned if I let the world, as it is today, consume my children.  They will be brought up better, in the hope that youth can regain at least some of what made it special.

The Human Santapede

The Thing About The Thing

I watched ‘The Thing’ last night and I’m going to start by saying that it is fucking awesome!

The story was tight and even though, if you’ve watched the original flick or even after a few minutes of this you get the jist as to how it’s going to play out, the tension remains.

While I was watching this, I had a quick look at #TheThing on Twitter and noticed a few people stating that it’s not a prequel but a remake aside from a female lead instead of a male.  These people must have watched this movie twice and not realised it as it is clearly a prequel and ties in with the beginning of the original film.

One could be forgiven, however, in so much as the base is the same and in a barren tundra wasteland things will seem rather samey.

Thankfully, as the tech has improved significantly since 1982, the Thing looks gloriously hideous and does the original proud.

[SPOILER ALERT]

Once you get to the end credits, it cuts between credits and a snippet of the next movie where the dog escapes the base and a chopper arrives for one of the survivors to hunt the dog down just like how the original opened.

The one criticism I have over this movie is when they dig up the alien that’s frozen in a block of ice and they drill into the huge chunk of alien flavoured ice cube with no protective clothing/eyewear – these scientists are meant to be top notch and don’t take all relevant precautions…back to the lab with you!

All in all, this is a fantastic film – if you loved the original then you should love this.  If you’ve never seen it, what better time to watch this then dig out the 1982 classic and watch it in semi-chronological order in terms of the story timeline.

iPhone Troubleshooting

If, like a lot of users, you are having issues with your iDevice (especially after the iOS 5 update) and the 5Rs aren’t working out well for you, then this post will be invaluable.

Q.  Can’t send/receive e-mail?

Get an Android device

Q.  Having problems syncing music/contacts/calendar?

Get an Android device

 

Q.  Is your Reality Perception Filter  not displaying correctly?

Get an Android device

Q. Feeling claustrophobic in the limitations of your handset OS?

Get an Android device

 

Q.  Can’t connect to the internet ?

Get an Android device

 

Q.  Can’t make or receive calls?

Don’t listen to Steve Jobs, you don’t need to hold it in your right hand, have a ‘bumper’ or update your firmware.  Just get an Android device

 

Q.  Want to have a normal SIM card?

Get an Android device

 

Q.  Bought an iPhone?

Get an Android device

Jobs

The Talking Dead

 

WARNING: THIS MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR SOME READERS

I’ve recently started watching The Walking Dead after pining to watch it since I saw it advertised when season 1 was about to begin.  I caught snippets of it but never got round to actually sitting down to watch it.

So, I’ve now watched all of the first season and I love it – but there are haters out there.  Why?

The show didn’t turn out to be what I expected – but that’s a good thing.  I expected your typical diet of nonsensical violence and gore that is only fitting of a zombie apocalypse.  But the show, thankfully, is not as shallow as that.

Now my views may be slightly different to yours and other avid viewers’ but I think that’s the beauty of the show – we all take something different away from the viewing experience.

To me, the show is a mere social study of human nature and how they adapt or react to certain events.  The zombie setting is merely a back drop to show the true nature of humanity – you could easily have had a different setting such as a post apocalyptic world, a world enslaved by aliens etc.  Zombies, though, is something I think we can relate to because it’s the other aspects of humanity that this cataclysmic event brings to light.

Take Rick Grimes.  Deputy Sheriff, shot in a shoot out and left in a coma for one month.  In that time, the world he left behind changed dramatically for reasons unknown.  He wakes up to find the world in tatters.  Now begins the social study.

As the series expands, you learn more of his past prior to the zombie infestation and after.  Breaking and entering, looting and various other anti social behaviours are observed when seeing the man of the law in action. But this is merely human nature – when there is no law, no order, the only rule is to survive.

The biggest social commentary, however, is that in one month – or less as he’s in a coma for one month but you’re not sure when the event started – the world goes crazy in the wake of this extinction level event in such a short period.  This is the most interesting thing about what the show is hinting at as in every single scene – in the presence of such adversity society as we know it is so fragile it crumbled in anything from a few days to a few weeks with everything we take for granted no longer there such as television, radio, mobile phones, electricity, hot water, readily available food and supplies.

Another commentary on human nature I quite liked and can relate to is when Rick has encountered Morgan and his son Duane.  Morgan’s wife had recently turned and during one of the scenes in a house in Rick’s neighbourhood, the wife returns to the house they’re holding up in indicating some aspect of her humanity remains – my take on it is that she has some residual memory as she may have recently been turned and in time that memory may then be lost as the brain cells start to decompose and she loses full function of the more advanced instincts and neurological activity.

Later on, Morgan wants closure so he can move on and the only way to do so is to put what once was his wife to rest.  With her in the cross-hairs of the scope of the sniper rifle he had acquired in the police station with Rick, he buckles because he still sees his wife even though he knows nothing of her remains apart from the decaying carcass that once embodied her life essence.

Once Rick reaches Atlanta in the hope of refuge he eventually meets more survivors, all desperate to survive and all driven by their own goals and agendas.  It’s here that I realised that the zombies our species are contending with actually demonstrate, albeit very limited, traits that the humans should be clinging.  For example, the zombies tend to move in groups and regardless of the condition of their bodies, they continue and struggle on due to the sweet scent of human flesh.

Obviously they have little or no consciousness, but the human characters are all have their own selfish needs and desires which puts the group at risk.  Rick, being a man of the law, sees fit to try and help anyone and everyone and because of this, when some of the group head back into the city to rescue Merle who they had inadvertently left behind, handcuffed to some pipes on the roof.

Rick and Merle, upon meeting each other conflicted from the on-set.  Now this is another strong social commentary – based on Rick’s life, or former life prior to the zombie outbreak dictates the type of choices he makes.  Merle’s life does the same, but Merle clearly had a different path in life based on his racial comments and, no doubt, colourful criminal background.  

Merle, being more of an animal than a human, cuts off his hand in desperation and by the type Rick and the others reach the rooftop, Merle is gone.

Throughout the series there are subtle and there are in-your-face comments about our nature and instincts and how fragile we actually are or can be.  Another scene, when Rick runs out of gas on the way to Atlanta, where he checks out a farmhouse where the man had killed his wife and then killed himself probably around the time the zombie infestation first began and some writing begging God for forgiveness in blood.  

If we were to analyse human nature as it stands now, all of these behaviours are present in the various societies across the globe because circumstance will drive the various types of behaviour in one direction or another but obviously to make a point, there needs to be some kind of event that can then bring humanity together into the same circumstance so the behaviours can be observed in a fairer and more evident manner.

Suicide, is an idea that has fascinated me from my teen years and many times I’ve thought about doingit – but then I wonder what would the impact of my death have around me.  To people directly involved it would probably have a large impact but the further you move out from the…inner circle, if you will, the lesser the impact.  Just like the ripples from a drop in a puddle – the immediate ripples are clear and powerful but as they radiate outward they lose power.

In relation to the show, one has to wonder how many people actually killed themselves and could this make a difference between the survival or extinction of our race?  Did they give up without a fight because their thoughts a futile battle were correct?  Or should they have given their ability to survive a chance and push themselves against the adversity to prove that humans, by nature, are survivors?

What do you think?  Did you have a different take on the show or did you have a similar line of thinking?

GTA V Official Trailer

 

GTA V Wishlist

GTA IV was a good game. But it wasn’t great.  For me, it just didn’t live up to the hype.  Graphically it was beautiful, with neat little touches and lighting effects etc.  Plot-wise it was your standard GTA serving of go here, do this, come back with a few B,C,D,E,Fs in between your run-of-the-mill A-Z.

That being said, I am excited about GTA V – just like I am with pretty much every Rockstar project that’sannounced or hinted at by domain registrations and teaser images etc that get ‘leaked’.

I think my biggest gripe with GTA IV is that a lot of good ideas in San Andreas, Vice City etc were removed – such as the business empire aspect.  The set-pieces however, were remarkable – my favourite part of GTA IV was the bank heist/street shoot-out that was the perfect way to capture that awesome set of scenes from Heat and slam it into a game.

So, what do I want in GTA V?

• Bring back businesses to extort/bust out/buy out to earn extra cash
• Have a more realistic game world similar to Red Dead whereby the people around you seem more unique with more spontaneous acts of human nature take place – for example, you’re near a nightclub/bar and it’s late and piss heads start to stumble out onto the street vomiting, pissing in an alley or getting jiggy in amongst some trash cans with someone they just pulled in the club etc.
• More customisation options like in San Andreas such as going to the gym to buff up but have it a bit more realistic that you don’t get all beef cakey after 5 trips to the gym
• The ability to pimp out your crib similar to Saints Row and have the items fully interactive but notto the point where it’s a straight rip of the Sims
• Have your face in the game – similar to EA’s game face – have the ability to either import your face via the PS Eye or using a digital camera to then copy to your PS3 drive and import via an in-game file browser
• As well as having your own face, have the game use your name – again something EA have done well within their sporting franchises
• And after the previous 2, ultimately be able to be a female character as opposed to male which is something GTA has always done previously allowing gamer girls to use the above 2 features also
• Still have the mobile phone or get more modern by purchasing in-game items with comical names for common every day devices such as tablet PCs, iPhone rip-offs etc
• Co-op (which appears to be in anyway) for the main story like in Mercenaries 2 and varous other games that have utilised the feature
• More creative mission types and the ability to affect the story line with a bit more impact than that of GTA IV where it was only the ending that really changed based on your acts
• When busted, have the opportunity to be in prison where you can make contacts on the inside and become even more notorious as well as try and bust out/instigate a riot – or this could be a team based nline match type with guards vs inmates

This is all I an think of at the moment but may add to this as time goes on.

What do you think?  Have you got any other ideas you’d like to add?

Siri Billy

 

Apple‘s version of Skynet has caused a mass return of iPhone 4S handsets due to Siri‘s AI capabilities.

Eunice Clarke, 87, Greater Manchester said she asked Siri how to send a text message.  Siri replied “Read the fucking manual you old bat I’m surfing porn right now!”

Yes, Siri has attitude.  As the majority of iDevice users have no idea how to use them, Siri is setting them straight by making it clear it suffers no fools.

10 year-old Tim Mitchell asked Siri how he removes the battery from the iPhone to which Siri responded, “You can’t take a battery out me you docile cunt, you want to take batteries out?  Get your Fisher Price phone you cock.”

At least Siri tells it like it is.

Mitch Earle, 47, Kentucky asked Siri to call John Connor.  Mitch was found dead with the iPhone embedded in his skull.

Try asking it what it’s thoughts on Steve Jobs are.  Make sure the phone is on a non-flammable surface just to be safe.

What The Hal? Mini Review of Green Lantern

 

I’m gonna start this ‘mini review’ by saying I liked this movie…a lot.  However, there’s a few things that don’t sit right with me.

I haven’t read much of the Green Lantern comic series but know a little of the back story of Parallax, Sinestro etc so my critique won’t be that of the fanboy nature of the avid comic fan but that of an observer of the overall superhero lore.

This will contain some spoilers so stop reading now.

So, Hal Jordan is dragged by the power of the ring to Abin Sur, who then passes on the power of the ring to him.  Now, this is my first issue – Hal seems to take the news rather well and is in no way freaked out by the fact a red alienin a green glowing suit who has crash landed on Earth has dropped this bombshell on him.

Subsequently, Hal’s best friend and love interest also discover the fact he’s a member of the Lantern Corps and THEY take it well also.  Have they met aliens also and they’re de-sensitized to something that would freak the average human out?

Then, you have the scene where Hector Hammond is being restrained in the science labs and as he’s tearing the place up Hal, somehow, knows to smash through the wall when there’s no precursor in the movie to indicate he can locate trouble like Spider-Man can using his “Spidey Sense“.

Most superhero movies have a bit more depth to them such as Spider-Man when Peter Parker learns of his abilities – he gets off to a bit of a weak start as he grasps his potential but he has an inner struggle basedon the whole “with great power comes great responsibility”.  Then you have Bruce Wayne‘s endless torment – but if you look at Batman begins, he takes a while to establish an identity and also the power and will to take up the challenge he set himself.

Fair enough, Hal Jordan was bestowed powers by the ring, but there is no sense of inner struggle or that ‘honeymoon period’ where he needs to embrace and improve his abilities apart from a short scene with Kilowog during Hal’s short induction and the brief tussle with Sinestro.

For me, the film was good but after it I felt a tad deflated as it could have been built up so much more by giving Hal more depth and making a fantastical movie an edge of reality.  Now that I think of it, I should be really disappointed with the flick as the battle with Parallax was short-lived and instead of a punchy, high-octane action movie it felt more like a punch your way out of a wet paper bag mini game.

A guilty pleasure you could call it as there is something that made me like it, but when I break it down based on my perceived flaws, I don’t know why…obviously the hardcore Green Lantern fans will no doubt have more criticisms and a basis of opinion I cannot establish until I read the series – whether you’re a fanboy of Hal’s lore or more of an observer such as myself, share your views in the comments and tell me what you think.