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What to Write?

Do you ever get that feeling where you want to do or say something but the actual doing eludes you?  I’ve been wanting to write something.  Anything.   But I just don’t know what.  I’ve heard and read authors saying ‘just write’.  Get the words down and eventually the flow will start.  Kinda like when it hurts to pee but once you get flowing there’s no stopping it.  Well, until you’re empty.  I have a few projects in mind–a science fiction novel/novella, a fan fiction piece and a kid’s book I (kinda) started with my eldest daughter.  There re other ideas but I don’t know if they will go it alone or be a part of something else or one of my current projects.  I just don’t know how to write.

I’ve skimmed through a number of books to figure out how to actually start the story.  You’d think that’d be the easy bit and the ending would be the tricky part–unfortunately for me, it would be a struggle for both but if I could at least nail the beginning I can worry about the rest later.  I’m not qualified in any form of writing and have never taken any courses for it (perhaps I should).  Shit, I didn’t even pass English in school.  I passed the basic but then I went on to take Higher English (the Scottish equivalent of A levels).  I didn’t like my English teacher and that was the basis for my failure.

See, I have to like what I’m doing or at least have some interest.  I loved reading but never understood the point of analysing written works and commenting on the juxtaposition, alliteration, onomatopoeia and all that lark.  I walked out of my close reading exam because the piece I had to do it on was shit.  Rather than sit there for around 2 hours, I just scribbled ‘THIS IS FUCKING SHIT’ and scored it out and then walked out.  I spent my afternoon on my PlayStation 2.  The creative writing part was where my shit was at.  I can’t recall the exact details but it was a story about a band member who had been involved in a car crash and lost the use of his legs.  It had a nice little twist that I really wish I could remember because it was probably the best thing I had ever written.  It ended on a cliffhanger with the build up to what I would lead you to believe was him either killing himself or not.  Funny how it all links back to me and my mental health, huh?

My creative writing wasn’t enough to salvage a pass mark and that day marked the end of anything decent I’d ever write.

Back then, starting stories was easy.  I suppose having to just write when you have little time to prepare and are against the clock will do that.  If only I could tap back into that resource that I once had in abundance.  All part of the unlearning process…if I even can.

Even starting a blog post is daunting.  How the fuck do you start?  A witty opening or a dry (no lube, head-down-bite-the-pillow style) opening?  I know there will be a plethora of courses and whatnot that I could utilise to get my writing down to a fine art but then it loses the whole ‘me’ thing.  I tend to be fairly gung-ho and, in the same vain as an over-the-top action flick, spray and pray that I hit my mark.

Sometimes it seems that the real me doesn’t come across in my writing because sarcasm and puns often come across as acts of stupidity as opposed to intelligent and stylish writing (unless there’s a knack to it that I am too ignorant to practice/learn).  Then again, how can my writing convey the real me when I don’t even know it myself?

Aaaaaaand would you look at that!  I started off with no idea as to what to write about and here I am at the end of a blog post having typed out a load of tripe that serves no purpose but to show that I could write something.  A clear case of “be careful what you wish for”.

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